Hopeless

Hey everyone. Did anyone ketch the obscure reference for the title? No ok I'll explain, it's from Loveless which is an anime as well as a manga. In any case many of the character teams that are set up in the anime/manga are named with the sufix -less. Yup so that's what's up with the title refference. In any case I'm doing this post because I feel so helpless and hopeless right now. I really haven't gone into alot of what I'm going through so I'm going to put pretty much all of it up on here today.
As I think all of you imaginary people know I have a back problem. The thing about it is that I have no idea what kind of back injury it is. Why? Because my parents and I went to 8 different doctors to try to figure out what it was. They all had different theroies as to what is wrong with my back. None of the doctors have perscribed any strong pain killers. Which means that my back hurts constintly making it impossible to contiue my everyday life. Since this unknow back injury has become a problem I have quit figure skating and swimming. They simply make my back hurt too much. I have also recently started an online high school. The high school that I went to couldn't meet my needs of not sitting in a classroom for hours at a time. At this time I am stuck at my house most of the time. I am going to phyisical therepy for my back although I do not know if it is making my back any better. It doesn't seem to be doing any better than it was. You can now probably see why I am so... I can't find a word to describe it. It's just a horrible feeling. Most of the time I try to stay upbeat and not worry or think about it. Though it hurts all the time I find that if I'm doing something like writting, reading, or pretty much anything else that gets me out of this world if you know what I mean it helps and I don't feel as bad. But sometimes reality crashes down on me and I feel like this. In any case I thought that writting this would help a little but all it's done has made me more depressed. Oh yeah I forgot to mention I'm also depressed I guess losing your entire life will do that to you. Ok that was a bit bitter but I think I have the right to be a little bitter sometimes I'm in high school and I have cronic back pain. I just don't know what to do anymore. I wish i could just get my life back.

Love,
Lola